Dip your toe into the supernatural waters of Iron Fish

fuckingno

Screw you, Beefjack. I was perfectly okay with my fear of underwater games remaining as undisturbed as the great beasts that definitely live under the sea. But now you had to come along and make Iron Fish, your new “psychological deep-sea thriller” that I’m sure I’ll be forced to review for this site. You jerkholes want me to “discover what lies forgotten in the abyss” when I’m content pretending it’s just a bunch of sea anemones and seahorses down there.

Sure, I’ll get to play as a deep sea investigator working for a British Naval Group named Cerys, with top-dollar equipment (that I’m almost positive won’t include guns to make me feel safe). Sure, your team comprises former members of Sega, Sony, Psygnosis, and Realtime Worlds so it’ll probably be well-made. That sounds cool and everything, but then you say I have to “question what is science or myth,” when you might as well just goddamn tell me the game is about finding bloop and be done with it. I’m on to you guys. This probably looks like a relaxing deep dive to anyone else, but this is the stuff of my nightmares. Here’s a trailer so you can make fun of my phobias:

               
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